I am sorry...how many times I have heard those words from your mouth...I am sorry, it wasn't meant to hurt you...but guess what it did hurt me.  For years I though I am sorry meant I had to forgive, I had to forget, I had to swallow it..See next time it will be different.  Next time he won't yell those horrible things, push me around, be little me, or undermined me. All because he said I am sorry...Those three magical words that are suppose to make everything ok.  

What I have learned is I am sorry does not erase what was done..Forgiveness can take time, but without forgiveness the only person that I am hurting is me.  That forgiveness doesn't give permission for them to do it again.  Forgiveness frees me.  It takes more energy and anger to hold a grudge then it does to forgive.  But I had to learn how to...That forgiving someone doesn't mean I have to step back into the "abusive" situation, it means I can hold my head up, feel sure of myself, and walk away from an unhealthy situation, knowing and believing I deserve better.

Its when I look into myself and ask what does holding this grudge do for me...if I continue to feel "wronged" again and again how is it serving me.  What I learned is it hurts me, it takes my precocious energy my happiness, my strength , in fact I am still feeding into the problem when I do not forgive.

When I truely look at what forgiveness will do for me, is it is freeing, it allows my focus to be on the things I enjoy, rather then focus on the wrongs that have been done to me.  It allows me to look at what part of me does this remind me of.  and most importantly I would want to be forgiven, so I must offer forgiveness.

This does not always come easily, of course when you bump into someone and say sorry, or get into a minor fender bender those are easy things to forgive. its the hurtful words, the lies, the deception, the abuse that we/I have allowed for so long , its forgiving that then and only then am I free.  This is a very conscious effort on my part, and it appears to be on the people I have spoken to.  I cannot wait around for those people who have "wronged" me to change.  I and only I am responsible to create the life I imagine, and to feel the way I want to feel.

Here is an obvious one. If i bang my head against the wall and it hurts, why would I do it again? and expect different result.  its the same thing if I go to the same person looking for some kind of emotional or physical support that they are not able to give, then I will get the same result disappointment, anger, and frustration.

When I take the time to forgive the person for their short comings, it allows me to open myself up to people who are able to give me both emotional and physical support, resulting in feeling cared for, loved, accepted.  THis is upto me and nobody else.

I can have any life that I want, its about the choices I make to be the person I am,How I feel on the inside about myself will reflect in the people I draw around me.  When I feel happy and content with myself I draw happy and content people into my life, When I am beating myself up and telling myself I am a failure or I could have done better, then I will end up with the people around me telling me the same thing.

Forgiveness opens up to endless possibilities, it is freeing, allowing our creativity and our love to be dominate, to be able to reach for all the endless possibilities life has to offer

Try it one day at a time.  Tell yourself I forge(insert Name) for the wrong they have done me. I wish them peace and happiness.  Say this everyday at least once a day even if you have trouble beleiving it in the morning.  Hopefully in a bout a week you will begin to feel lighter emotionally, fovusing more on what you love to do

.  One simple word, so many meaning. Physical boundaries are the obvious.  We visually see something that makes STOP.  A yellow caution tape, a wall, a sign such as DO NOT ENTER.  But what about emotional boundaries? You can't see them, sometimes we don't even know we need to set them, then when they are set how do we enforce them.

To be more direct, what is an emotional boundary.  We as the human race on the whole know physical boundary we learn them from a young age, the most obvious and do not lay your hands on another person, such as hit or slap; that is a physical boundary.  We are taught it is wrong to steal; that is touching /taking something that is not yours. Again a physical boundary.

An emotional boundary is different.  Often we let people step on them or cross over them, To find true peace with ourselves we need to set, and enforce boundaries of the emotional kind.

Do you have that friend who is always always demanding from you, however offers nothing in return, you make excuses like,"She has it so tough, I understand" but all that does is take from you, your spirit and your strength. 

Does your boss yell at you or make unreasonable demands of you at work, and you are constantly trying to do better but never get praised or recognized.  

Are your children and/or husband constantly making demands on you, and no matter what you do they are dis satisfied, taking advantage of you ,just assuming all you do all day is wait to meet their needs.

Who is meeting your needs???

When we learn to set boundaries, and make sure our needs are being met. We will know a new peace, even when things are chaotic, we will have more energy and awareness, because we are not letting people drain from us.  Sounds Easy right? Ha!

It starts with how we think, and the actions we take.  We don't need to yell or scream we need to make an internal change in how we think about ourselves.  It can be done, We have the ability within ourselves to make the necessary changes, the answers are within you, its about pausing to listen to them.  When we say "Yes" to something how does it make  you feel...if you answered stress or overwhelmed, or overextended, then your inner self is telling you something... SET A BOUNDARY!

That is just one of the many ways we can begin to change....When we put ourselves first, we are of far better service to others, 

Take a moment today to think of a situation that you are in that makes you feel stressed, anxious, overwhelmed.  

Now

Take a moment to think of a situation that makes you feel good, energized, excitied,

Whats different about the two? Can you listen to your inner self and apply a boundary to make a tough situation better?

Remember we cannot change or control what other people do or say, all we can do is control what we do with it!!!!

Well I took a wonderful class yesterday.....Learned so much, most important was how I felt going there.  Excited full of anticipation, not afraid, or fearful...now that is a huge change.

So much that I learned and will write about as I sort through it all...The thing that sticks out most in my mind is this

The difference between Bravery and Courage

Bravery is having no fear and completing and action

Courage is having fear and doing it anyway

Now pause for a moment...I did...I always thought I was a brave person, taking on new challenges and facing things head on, now I see I am a courageous person.  I have tons of fear, fear of failure, fear of you will find out who I really am and not like me, fear of "screwing" up , but my fear NO LONGER holds me back...that is courage.  I made a commitment to myself to not look back on my life and say "I wish I had"  I want to loo back on my life and say "I did it" 

How does this effect you? Does fear hold you back, do you want to be a courageous person?  You can , the answers are all within you...It is important to stop and listen to them, sometimes they will be a LOUD shout, other times it will be a small whisper, but they are there, all inside you...

It is time to live in the here and now...to live a "mindful" life to embrace all your life has to offer

"Tell me ...what will you do with your one precious life?"

I love the question when people ask you w"What do you want" ahhhh is this s trick question.....Between the carpooling, sports schedule  dinners, laundry , bills, grocery store runs I don't think I have stopped in a long time to figure out what do I want, and my typical flighty answer of "Peace on Earth" isn't really cutting it.

So lets break it down into a simpler question..."What makes you happy?" Again is this a trick question....I am happy when i get all the above mentioned stuff done in the time frame I am suppose to, so my friend looked at me (I think she was about to slap me) WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY????? ok deep breath here goes.... hikes in the woods, a really good cup of coffee, being in or near the water, being with good friends, helping people....most of all my KIDS! i think I almost ran out of oxygen...

I think for many years I waited and waited for that AH HA! moment...you know the moment when you everything would be clear...all my questions would be answered, I would know exactly what I was suppose to know and how to do it.  I was so busy focusing on waiting for that moment, all the signs, messages, and thing put in my way were ignored or not noticed.  It was only when I stopped to "smell the flowers" for a moment that I became aware of all the things that were being placed in my path.  Each one of those moments lead me to where I am today, so I do not look at my past with dread or regret, if I had not experienced everyone of those things, I would not see things the way I do now. 

NOW , mindfulness, being in the moment finding joy in all I do, from watching a soccer game and cheering my children on, to negotiating a business deal, to volunteering at a school function, and my most recent awareness...I LOVE TO LEARN i love school, I have a thirst for knowledge and I LOVE HELPING PEOPLE, to give back to people what has so freely been given to me...Support, guidance, friendship, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, to a hug filled with love

THAT IS HAPPINESS for me....What is happiness for you? Are you still waiting for that Ah Ha moment, if so stop, breathe deep for a minute...deep breaths fill your belly and exhale open your eyes, what do you see??

F.E.A.R. False Evidence Appearing Real

Can you relate...I can....When I begin to beleive what "others" say I am am or look at things through others eyes I allow that to become my Evidence.  Which is False...

However I will allow these things to limit me, to tell me I can't do something, I am not good enough, I dont have enough time, What were you thinking....then it all begins to Appear Real

Guess what ITS NOT.... I am what I want to be...boy sounds a little silly when you say it out loud but it is TRUE!

How can sit everyday and encourage my kids and say "You can be anything you want to be"  "You are unstoppable" ..."You can accomplish greatness"..."There are endless options" ..."Reach for the Stars"...."The World is yours to conquer"

Yet in my own mind the things I say to myself are so different..."If only you had done that when you were younger, now you don't have the time"..."You have to be crazy to start a whole new degree, you will never finish"...."I need to get so much done I have no time,  if only...."  Wait who are you speaking to?  I would not let ANYONE speak to my children that way, why do I allow myself to speak to myself that way.

Okay here is the challenge , how do I change it, its simple steps really, this is what to do STOP

Every time a "negative thought" enters, or I self talk myself out of doing something "STOP' find quick phrases to replace them

This is what I am going to try "You cant speak to me like that , I can be anything I want to be"

"I love myself" or  "I have accomplished greatness...(fill in the blank) like I made a delicious meal, I was a great friend today, I was a great mom, wife, employee, or boss

Here is the thing to remember it has taken YEARS AND YEARS to build this self talk of negativity, or shame, I MUST or you MUST remember change take time.  Yes the dreaded word time, time take time.  Tha'ts why we can break it down to One day at a time, sometimes One hour at a time.

Here is the thing....what do you have to lose ..NOTHING, but you everything to gain.

Come join me on the challenge..Let me know what self talk you want to change

These changes occur one step at a time, one change at a time, corny I know Rome wasn't built in a day.  Working with a Life Coach showed me how to make these changes a little at a time, and how to enjoy the journey.  There are no do overs this is your chance to have the life you have always wanted, not to look back with regret and I wish I had.

Today I can laugh as I walk around my house and clean up after the kids, amazing what they stash in the silliest of places, half eaten sandwich under desks, socks behind cabinets, wet towels in closet.

Why can I laugh, I am happier with me and the choices I make today, I love being a mother, with all the ups and downs, I love being a life coach, helping to bring peace and happiness to other.  I am present to my life, something I had lost sight. Being able to laugh and see the humor in things, no longer feeling like my life is passing my by ,but jumping in and participating in every bit of it.

I love to work and volunteer, all because I want to, not because I have to, the rewards are endless...I am forever grateful the this transformation and this journey I am on, I hope to be able to help others to experience the joy the way I do....

Please no life is not always a big smile and a joke , it is more about the way we chose to approach each situation placed in front of us, what will we learn from it, how can it help us grow????

How wonderful to feel forgiving of my imperfections, and loving them instead of burying them.  I will say that it was not always like this but I have made a commitment to myself to change.  I exercise now because it feels good, I meditate (or try ) often my mind wanders every morning, and I always check in with myself as much as I check on other, if I am not happy how can I experience the happiness around me.

Well isn't that the truth.  Fear shows it self in so many different ways.  For me it was anger and frustration, always looking to the outside of me to make my inside feel better...Spending time wishing away , thinking if only I had that....and that could be anything...the perfect well behaved kid, the bigger house, the more attentive husband, the new car...a prettier smile,

Then there is obvious fear, fear of heights, fear of flying, fear of the unknown, fear of injury...

I have learned it is what I do with my fear, do I let it "rule me" and my decisions or do I face it head on.  Do i waste away my time wishing for something better or do I stop and admire all that life has in store for me.  I am a happier, more content person when I live a life of gratitude, when I face my fears, and do not let the emotions rule me, in any situation.  

When I am honest with myself (that is the most important person to be honest with) I am then living the life I want, setting the example I want to set for my children.  Nothing is more unpredictable then mother hood.  I can plan and plan and plan, and guess what, sometimes those plans get laughed at.

I have learned that I cannot do this alone, and leaning on support is the most important thing.  Opening myself up to the opportunity to have supportive loving people in my life has changed my experiences , and allowed me to go through them rather then avoid them.

Life is not always smiles, happiness, and peace, sometimes we get thrown a curve ball that throws us.  What defines us is how we approach and deal with it.  Facing these life "situations: head on makes us stronger people.  The key is to know when you need help.......

Fear will controls us if we allow it, we are bigger then it and can overcome it, not control it, but shift what it means to us, changes is scary, but the rewards are AMAZING  Take the leap today,